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Jacqueline
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    Friday, December 04, 2009, 8:02 PM
    Day off

    I've finished with AK camp!!! Woots:) Finally hurrying around like a madwoman and stressing over hundreds of photos is over! These past four days have become a crazy blur. Everything passed in a whirlwind and after getting sucked up ive now landed at home. LOL.

    Okay but the experience was good, i was actually sad to go, although i didn't really like it while i was there. The environment was stifling and suffocating. It was tense at first but on the last day i could finally relax and be myself. I think it was also because i didn't know anyone there, but rystine being there really helped alot, if not i think i might have not gone through with it in the first place.

    A day would consist of reaching there around 8am, and then taking pictures in crazy rain or shine or both weather at telok blangah park where the kids would have activities. Then we went back and i could choose to take pictures of the rest of the segements. I only had a few mandatory segements to take, and a few personal segments where the kids had with their coaches were off limits. Meaning i wasn't allowed to take photos, but only during those parts.

    Yup and then i would come home and sort the hundreds of photos into their separate groups. Which was hard because i didn't recognise all 93 faces. Anyway, my photos averaged 500 a day. The first day i was super enthu and took like 800 photos...then i learned my lesson and took about 400-500 only. But still the sorting was enough to kill me.

    So yeah, yesterday when i finished i went to meet mok to pass the hard disk to her. Her com has gone crazy and she needs to transfer all her precious photos before she totally can't turn it on. Hope her dad somehow agrees to get a new laptop for her.

    Today was totally wasted time and boring. Spent the whole day at home doing nothing. I woke up in the middle of a thunderstorm at about 12pm plus? yeah, whoo my windows were wide open man, so i quickly shut them, luckily the rain wasn't coming in yet. Yeah, i watched a bit of anime and read a bit of my photography stuff....but i'm bored out of my mind! Can't wait for tomorrow. Meeting A2 for lan in the afternoon, then maybe going east coast park to waveboard, then at night got post prom at carlton! Haha soooooo can't wait:)

    I think lately i also need to focus more on God. In times where we don't have pressing needs or crisis we tend to forget God, and that's not alright. But because of this camp i have been praying...hoping that things would go smoothly. And it did! Haha, rystine told me my photos were very well received! They were so pleased with my photos they decided to pay my $50 more!! HAHA, i was so happy when rystine told me, but it was a pity i couldn't see what they looked like printed. It's the first time i got my photos printed...this was really a milestone for me. And i'm glad God planned this for me. I think it was also a taste of what it would be next time. I think i'm fine with the hurrying and bustling, as long as i'm comfortable in the environment. Oh well, only time will tell whether or not i'm suited or whether i can persevere.

    But one thing i know is that i really love photography and want to pursue it more seriously:)

    Here's another song.

    Live like we're dying - Kris Allen




    Lyrics from: elyricsworld

    Sometimes we fall down and can't get back up

    we're hiding behind skin that's too tough
    how come we don't say I love you enough
    till it's to late, it's not too late

    Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
    we could make a feast from these crumbs
    and we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
    so if your life flashed before you
    what would you wish you would've done

    Yeah... gotta start
    lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
    this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
    every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
    gotta live like we're dying

    We only got
    86 400 seconds in a day to
    turn it all around or throw it all away
    we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
    while we got the chance to say
    gotta live like we're dying

    And if your plane fell out of the skies
    who would you call with your last goodbyes
    should be so careful who we live out our lives
    so when we long for absolution
    there'll no one on the line

    Yeah... gotta start
    lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
    this is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
    every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
    gotta live like we're dying

    We only got
    86 400 seconds in a day to
    turn it all around or throw it all away
    we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
    while we got the chance to say
    gotta live like we're dying

    Like we're dying oh-- like we're dying [x2]

    We only got
    86 400 seconds in a day to
    turn it all around or throw it all away
    we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
    while we got the chance to say
    gotta live -- like we're dying

    We never know a good thing till it's gone
    you never see a crash until it's head on
    all those people right when we're dead wrong
    you never know a good thing till it's gone

    Yeah... gotta start
    lookin at the hand of the time we've been given here
    this is all we got and we gotta start livin it
    every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
    gotta live like we're dying

    We only got
    86 400 seconds in a day to
    turn it all around or throw it all away
    we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
    while we got the chance to say
    gotta live like we're dying

    Like we're dying oh -- like we're dying [x2]

    We only got
    86 400 seconds in a day to
    turn it all around or throw it all away
    we gotta tell 'em that we love 'em
    while we got the chance to say
    gotta live like we're dying
    live like we're dying

    [Fade out]




    Monday, November 30, 2009, 12:52 AM
    A new beginning, again. A new me?

    Tomorrow i'm starting work at AK camp, I am Gifted. Thanks to the reference of rystine, i got the job. It's roughly from morning till afternoon, but tomorrow not so much of phototaking. But i'm going so i can see how things work and get a feel of the environment.

    As always, i'm nervous, not like school events where there are other photographers to back you up you know? I'm on my own, but i guess that's how things will be eventually so i might as well get used to it sooner than later. I have been on my own once before too, at Maryam's cousin, Rufqah's engagement where i took photos for them for a few hours. It did give me confidence as a photographer, although i know personally i'm actually good yet. But i'm getting there. I'm looking into some advanced photography lessons, but as you know, or now know, after buying the waveboard at $120 i'm officially broke. Lol, so EVERYTHING THAT I WANT HAS TO BE PUT ON HOLD.

    Well first there's driving, but ma decided to make me a deal. If i taught her the piano, then she'd pay for my driving lessons. You see she asking me to play the piano was like asking me to fulfil her childhood dream, cuz she never got to play when she was younger cuz my grandparents were not exactly rich. Actually, it was my choice when i was younger to play the piano when she asked me, haha but after awhile, i got frustrated with the piano and even threw tantrums when i had to go for piano lessons. Yeah, i did hate piano for awhile, but i really love music, ALL KINDS and yes really all genres. I think because i'm a spontaneous person i love change, i like to keep things random and unpredictable, well not all things and not all the time, but generally. So when things get too systematic and periodic, i tend to get a bit bored. I think i also did not have the desire to really pursue piano then.

    Now i'm kinda stuck....like just one grade more to finish my piano 'career' but like, i don't think i can put in the hours. Grade 8 is not exactly easy to pass. Well not for me at least. So anyway, my family and certain friends:) tell me to complete it, then next time can earn money by being a piano teacher on the side if i'm really in need of money. I know and i did think of it before...but knowing me can i really be a piano teacher?

    Lol, anyway, we'll decide that issue next time, i'm just buying my time till my mother brings up that conversation again...ugh it's gonna be ugly. Anyway i'm fine with teaching my mother...i just hope we don't end up quarrelling because of it.

    Next thing i really wanna do is learn korean, but this one i've really got to pay for myself....cannot keep asking my mother for money, so old already pai seh. Hai but what to do...i'm going out everyday and as you know once you step out of the door, you need money. Why do we depend on it so much...wish it wasn't as important as it is. Well, i guess the more desires and wants you have, the more money you need, money is dreived demand then i guess. Desire and want less.

    And the next thing i really really want is a desktop. But it's so bloody ex...sigh i think i just gotta get a few more jobs. Plus christmas shopping and birthday shopping....yikes money money money.

    What should i get my mother for x'mas? I really am stuck when it comes to getting things for people i'm close to, not sure why either...maybe cuz i know them too well? Or are they too close for me to see clearly? Lol....don't worry i'll think of something la. Anyway christmas is not really about gifts, for me christmas is traditionally for spending time with family.

    Cousins overseas come and spend time with my grandparents whenever they can, and it's really nice to see te entire family gather together, especially when their wedding anniversary is just one day after X'mas, so they can spend the holidays with us too:)

    Miss having everyone together in one place, but they manage what they can, it's not exactly cheap to fly so far.

    Yeah that's about it, i hope i can do a good job for this camp:) Tomorrow I'll be introduced to the coaching team so i have to be there about 10.30am he said.

    Okay, my camera battery has just finished charging, just nice as i have come to the end of this post too, okok good night people, hope your day tomorrow is just as fulfilling as mine will be tomorrow:)


    And now, which is sort of becoming a tradition here, i'll post a song i heard today:)

    Kim Tae Woo - Love Rain




    Lyrics: Jpopasia


    Once someone I loved left me and I thought it was all because of me,
    so I couldn't hold onto her.

    I thought that I could forget this pain,
    that another love will come to me.. but why can't I forget?
    All I can do is to look up at the sky and shout once again "love me",
    when this little hope in my heart becomes rain and falls.

    [Chorus]

    When my love rains on my head the memories come alive again.
    When it rains on my heart I think of the precious love.
    When my love touches my lips, I love you shouting to me.
    Following the road where the rain comes,
    you'll see me waiting for you if you keep on walking, walking and walking.

    Open the box called love with they key of faith,
    call with the phone transmitting a prayer called love,
    even if my heart can't find you.
    All I can do is to look up at the sky and shout once again "love me",
    when this little hope in my heart becomes rain and falls.

    [Chorus]

    When my love rains on my head the memories come alive again. When it rains on my heart I think of the precious love. When my love touches my lips, I love you shouting to me. Following the road where the rain comes, you'll see me waiting for you if you keep on walking, walking and walking.

    Return again to that time.. to my life like that one time when you prayed.
    When I shout like this..... the love rain falls......

    [Chorus]

    When your love rains in front of my eyes you stand in front of me.
    When it rains on my ears, you whisper love into my ears again.
    I love you when I hug you, when I become happy again.
    Following the road where the sun shines on,
    we will see us if we keep on walking, walking and walking.

    Yeah ~ Once again praying for you to come back to me




    Saturday, November 28, 2009, 3:37 AM
    You'll never find it

    Davy Jones sealed it tight,
    Under lock and key.
    When the moon comes out and all is still,
    It'll sink to the bottom of the sea.

    I'm going to hide it
    You'll never find it.




    Friday, November 27, 2009, 10:55 PM
    Not quite what I thought it would be

    Hi blogsphere, I'm baccccck. Yes, it's truly been a long time. Actually, typing my thoughts out like this suddenly feels a little strange and unfamiliar. Weird even. I think I was in isolation for so long while studying that it seems natural to keep all my thoughts to myself not share them with anyone else.

    Well, I seem to have had enough of aimless days, lazing around with nothing to do. OR going out everyday and watching my money flow out of my pockets like a waterfall. It feels like my A's have been over for eons, although now when i look back, I JUST ENDED LAST WEEK. But since then I've had plenty of time to think. Well, actually just these past few days.

    Things went like this, immediately after my A's on the 20th, I went out with my friends, 2 different groups on the same day, and only went home the next day. First was body parts :) I love my body parts, we've really been through a whole lot together...i think it was God's will that i was to retain and meet them.

    Then i went to meet my A2 gang and L4D-ed till like 1am? or was it 12? Tp and his bro had to go so left alph kx and me. We strolled around plaza sing, they were screening free movies at like 2am plus. We walked till orchard, saw all the lights and all. Got hungry so stopped at centrepoint macs? i think, yeah and then we took the night rider home. We were damn tired by that time, could barely keep our eyes open, luckily i woke up before i missed my stop.

    Then saturday I went out and had myself a little adventure, all on my own:) Will put pics up on facebook, and my photoblog. Sunday i didn't go to church :( i woke up late and went to meet kx, tp and alph for a movie marathon. We watched gokusen and then straight after went for 2012. I got a massive headache after 2012, all of us did except for alph...which is mad since his eyesight is the highest among all of us. But then since he always says he's halfblind, i suppose that's maybe why he didn't get affected cuz he couldn't see all the effects...JUST THE HOT PPL  (^0^) hahahahahahahaha

    Then the next day kx had to book in so only tp and alph and me met up, we had dinner at carrefour. Thanks to the introduction by tp, who showed us an area where you could bring anything you bought from carrefour, pay and eat there. There even was standing tables for ppl to stand around and eat. We bought a WHOLE ROASTED CHICKEN i think 0.5KG? for $5 only. It was delicious, we also had sushi. After that I found my WAVEBOARD! that i had been looking for since i saw it on youtube. So i got it and tp and me started trying it in carrefour. They had like a few sets around for people to try, so we got the hang of it and bought one each.

    Can you believe it, after that we waveboard-ed through citylink from starbucks all the way till like...after adidas WITHOUT FALLING but then the security guard caught us, and told us off, saying we would spoil their tiles. LOL, but i was really happy that day! Haha, it was super exhilarating. It really gives you a high, the same kind of high i get when i'm taking photos....

    So then the next day, tuesday morning i got up and practised straight for 3 hours...haha mad right, i was so exhausted cuz i haven't exactly been exercising for the past month and so i took little breaks every now and then, but i played for 3 hours! HAha it was so fun:)

    Then i went for the bbq paula hosted and brought my waveboard to share the fun. Although i knew it would get banged up, i was still a bit sad. But i let go pretty fast haha. My L.E.Ds are totally trashed. Lol. but that's only a small part of the cool factor, the coolest bit is riding it.

    The BBQ WAS CRAZY FUNNY NONSENSE.

    The sunset was amazing when we arrived, which reminds me i must post the pictures...

    Then the next day, wednesday, i got really sick. IT was the most horrible experience ever, i never want to get so sick again, it was painful and really HOT. I already had a bit of a sorethroat before the bbq but it probably made it worse, so my throat got inflammed and i got a high fever as a result. After 2 rounds of panadol my fever was still rising, from 38.6 to 39.2, siao right.

    I couldn't take the hotness, it felt like a fire in me, i felt like my head was on fire, my eyes were on fire, my entire body was on fire. I even stuck my head in the freezer a few times, it was just too much... ugh okay enough wit the bad memories of falling sick.

    I'm much better now, but i missed my KL trip because of it. Stupid brother is now in some holiday resort in KL enjoying without me :(

    Mok said that maybe there's some reason God wants me to stay here...i think so too, just don't know for what.

    Since i've been sick, i've had plenty of time to think...i think being sick does that to you...like i was feeling so uncomfortable i really thought, at one point when i was really feeling like hell, that i was going to die.

    And i thought of all the people i'd leave behind and of all the things i haven't done, and of everything i could have been. And i knew somewhere that i wasn't really going to die, it's just that i was hallucinating and being delusional from the fever, i think my brain was beginning to fry. Anyway, i thought that i'd better stop wasting time and do all the things i want to do before i really die one day.

    And so i came up with a few things i want to attain, but i'm not going to tell you cuz it's a little personal, heh, and then irony knocks at the door, "Hello, this is a blog, where you state all matters pertaining to the personal."

    So what im trying to say is i guess, thinking and feeling aimless is not going to change anything unless i really get to doing something to change the way i am. And i think i am changing. Actually i think i have been changing since the A levels.

    It really was huge mental and physical battle for me, and im sure for all Jc students. But we each have our own demons, and my demons were in direct opposition to my objectives as a JC student. Heh, but i'm all over that now, God has remained faithful and tided me through, when all was hopeless, he stretched out his arms and carried me through and i'm really grateful. Okay this is starting to sound cheesy, but i'm really grateful for friends who have encouraged me, supported me and let me lean on them when i really needed it.

    You special people know who you are ;)

    Thanks a million, really.

    And now because i'm in an emo sort of mood, here's an awesome song i'm stuck on:

    Wedding Dress - Taeyang (from Big Bang)





    Lyrics from: KPOP JJANG

    I would argue

    Then you would cry
    As you’re struggling, I would only get stronger
    My heartaches behind these shadows
    My face brightens up as I see your smile
    I worry that you might notice my feelings
    And I get scared that the gap between us would widen
    I hold my breath
    Then I bite my lips
    Then I pray that she would leave his side.

    Baby, please don’t hold those hands
    Cuz you should be my lady
    Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

    Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
    I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
    The wedding dress you once wore
    The wedding dress you once wore
    The wedding dress you once wore

    You, who never understood my feelings
    Because of that, I ended up despising you
    Then I wished a misfortune upon you
    But now, my eyes are dry
    I try to talk to you but I realized that I’m alone
    Every night, I would look back and think
    If I already knew the results
    Then I close my eyes
    Then I dream an endless dream
    Then I pray she would leave his side.

    Baby, please don’t hold those hands
    Cuz you should be my lady
    Please look at me, I’ve been waiting all this time.

    Once the music ends, you’ll be with him forever
    I prayed and prayed that this day wouldn’t come
    The wedding dress you once wore
    The wedding dress you once wore
    The wedding dress you once wore

    By all means, be happy with him
    So I can move on
    Please erase me out of your heart
    Although I tried my best but, no oh~
    I’ve been living the lies for too long
    Yet, she would look at me and smile.




    Friday, November 13, 2009, 10:45 AM
    I leave everything to you

    Let the waters rise - Mikeschair

    Don't know where to begin
    Its like my world's caving in
    And I try but I can't control my fear
    Where do I go from here

    Sometimes its so hard to pray
    When You feel so far away
    But I am willing to go
    Where you want me to

    God, I trust You

    There's a raging sea
    Right in front of me
    Wants to pull me in
    Bring me to my knees
    So let the waters rise
    If You want them to
    I will follow You
    I will follow You
    I will follow You

    I will swim in the deep
    'Cuz You'll be next to me
    You're in the eye of the storm
    And the calm of the sea
    You'll never out of reach

    God, You know where I've been
    You were there with me then
    You were faithful before
    You'll be faithful again
    I'm holding Your hand

    There's a raging sea
    Right in front of me
    Wants to pull me in
    Bring me to my knees

    So let the waters rise
    If You want them to
    I will follow You
    I will follow You
    I will follow You

    God Your love is enough
    You will pull me through
    I'm holding onto You
    God Your love is enough
    I will follow You
    I will follow You
    I will follow You


    This song got me through the darkest hours of this week. Just when i thought it was all over, when i thought that there really was nothing left i could do...this song remninded me of God's faithfulness and that i could trust Him. No matter what.

    Its tough, it's really tough. This is hardest thing i've ever had to go through, but i feel myself becoming stronger after each battle. Warriors: We will never give up the fight, no matter how bloody it gets. PUSH ON:)