Everything's different, everthing's different, i am not the same.
Well, i know i haven't blogged in eons. That's because i didn't feel like it, i didn't want to and i didn't see the need to. I am amazed at people (namely mok and other committed bloggers) who can faithfully blog, day after day, even though there's nothing much to update about their lives. (Except for mok, who seems to make even her sometimes mundane life seem interesting.) I don't have that type of skill. Lol, for me if there's nothing much to update, i'll just not blog, as you all know VERY WELL:)
Well im blogging because i've received the greatest love of all. Now im not being preachy or anything, even if you think i am it doesn't really matter. The point is that God has changed my life so much. Remember reading all my emo posts, or sometimes even morbid and downright depressing ones? Well, i used to feel so empty that's why.
Life used to just be a great big Sahara for me, a desert with nothing, just lots of...space. It was empty and my life needed to be filled. So i started filling it up with so many different things. People, friends, family, a hobby, dramas and even at times, food. Anything to get me excited about something. To feel alive, like life was worth living. But sadly none of those things lasted.
We were created body, soul and spirit. And i found out the hard way, that no matter how this earth and the things on it can satisfy your body and even soul, your spirit will ALWAYS BE RESTLESS and UNSATISFIED. Yes, with food, material things, physical needs can be met with things from this earth. Even the soul can be fed, with books, music, people's emotions. BUT, there's something you'll always lack, it's like at the deepest part, there's something missing, a hole. And that is your spirit...starving. It can never be filled, except through the holy spirit, and only God can fill it up. Because we were made by Him, our spirit recognises our creator. It calls out to Him, hungry for Him, but we as humans cannot understand what that hunger, craving for something to be filled, really needs. We really need God.
For you see, we are wonderfully and perfectly made, although we sin and have imperfections, when we were created, we were perfect and awesome in God's eyes. But although we sin and become imperfect, we are made once again sinless and perfect through His blood that was shed for us. Now i know it all sounds very religious, blood shed for us. But when you try and think about realistically...someone died.
We all have either a close friend, family member or someone we know that has passed on. Yes, it's the same kind of death Jesus faced. It doesn't mean that just because He was the son of God, He felt any less pain, or went through any less torment. No, in fact, He faced more persecution and more torture than we can imagine. Because Jesus was human too. It's hard to fathom that the son of God would feel the same way we do, and go through the same things we experience. But i tell you this, He was human too and therefore he thoroughly understood every human emotion, pain and thought.
But can we understand Him? Yes, to a large degree, since Jesus was human himself, but it's hard to understand the full weight of what He went through, unless you have personally experienced it yourself. Can you imagine what it is like to be born, knowing that your purpose is to die? Knowing fully well that, in the end, you don't really know if they'll be grateful but you give your life to save others anyway? If i were to come up with a similar situation, it's like telling a girl/boy you love her/him with all your heart, but not being sure if she'll/he'll love you back, or reject you outright. That perhaps can give us an inkling of how Jesus felt. And yet because His father loved us beyond measure, Jesus too loved man and willingly gave up his life, so that we may receive salvation.
It's unthinkable...and yet it has been done.
Ever since i came back to God, He has blessed me in every way imaginable. But it's not simply about receiving blessings, the point is that He gives so freely, and loves so completely, it overflows. His overflowing love, you cannot contain. If you've been to church you've probably heard of the phrase, 'my cup overflows'
It's not only about His blessings, yes they overflow, but mainly it's about His love, which is in abundance. It's really awesome to have Jesus on your side. It's really amazing to have Jesus as your best friend, and it's really touching and comforting to have a God love you beyond reason and understanding.
For no other reason than that of love were you created, blessed, loved, comforted, protected, sheltered, and nutured. Everything was done, so you would feel loved, and naturally in return you would love Him back.
So yes, i have fallen in love with God. It may seem weird to some, but it's true. Its like loving your father or mother, almost the same kind of tender love, but not quite the same, it's stronger and even more tender. The kind that just escapes all words. It makes you want to cry, in disbelief, that someone can love you so much and so tenderly despite all you've done wrong. It makes you want to cry, because you're so touched that there is one person in the entire world that sees you for who you are, knows you to the depth of your soul, and still says, 'I will never let you go, my child, for you are so precious to me.'
Everyday my strength is renewed, everyday He is with me, at all times, during all hours of the day. Whenever i am lonely, he is there with me.
You know i told a few friends recently that i dislike driving alone because the car feels empty, i'd much rather have some company. But all the times i did drive alone, i wasn't completely by myself. I could feel his presence, and at once i relaxed, knowing that he is there for me.
My entire being is filling up slowly but surely. I have been so blessed after coming back to God. I used to feel aimless and bored. But now i know that i have a purpose in Jesus. I have something that i have to accomplish for him. And not because im-a-christian-therefore-i-have-to-do-some-mission-work-or-serve-him. But rather, because you love someone, you want to do all you can to show your love. And because the more you get to know someone, the more you understand their desires and hopes. And soon, they become yours too.
Therefore, the aim of this post wasn't simply to update you on my life. But i want to share the God i have experienced, i want you to know that you too could receive his overflowing love, and God's love is beyond any measure. He loves you nonetheless, regardless and irrevocably. There is nothing He cannot do for you. Trust me;) When God is on your side, no one can be against you.
Well, i have no idea when the next post is coming, so we'll just have to wait and see, heh. God's blessings be upon you all.
Don't forget that He is always there for you, waiting, simply waiting for you to call out to Him, and He cannot wait to give you a hug that means, 'Everything is gonna be alright.'